The fishing lodge

I talked to my cousin Rob today. A couple times a year one of us takes the initiative and actually sends the other a message on msn. Just to check up. The conversation today started with "so we're not comin out for christmas anymore". I'm not even sure when the last time they came out was (they being him, my cousin steve and my aunt). I'd guess 3 years ago. Seems about right. Last year my uncle and aunt divorced right before christmas, so they didn't come out. It got a bit ugly really. As far as I can tell my uncle left without telling rob or steve (until a while later) so that hurt them quite a lot I think. Not sure what to think about my uncle anymore really. Anyhow, me and Rob are very different. He's more of the physical labour small city Albertan type. And really, if he wasn't my cousin I'm not sure we'd got along very well. But I feel that I could count on him if I needed, indeed I nearly ran off to live with him during my depression. And I'd say a lot of it has to do with getting along fairly well as kids. He wasn't a big reader, but reading was what I did in my alone time. I think more than anything, the thing we had in common was a love for fishing. I had forgotten how much I used to love fishing. The peacefulness of sitting out on a lake at dawn. There is no need to talk when fishing. There can be a few of you in the boat, but it was never social in the normal way. You all just happened to be witnessing the same beautiful moment. I love the water. And as much as I hated getting up at dawn, I was always glad I did afterwards. And you can just sit in the boat, and reflect on life. There is nothing to distract you, just the fishing itself to keep you busy and excited from time to time when the fish are actually biting. But really, fishing isnt about the fish, as I figure most dedicated fisherman would say. It's more of a frame of mind, as cliche as that sounds.

And so in our discussion today, Rob, out of the blue, said "i was thinking about the fishing lodge the other day". And wow, did that ever bring the memories flooding back. You see, for a few years really, what me and Rob wanted to do when we grew up was run a fishing lodge. That seemed like paradise at the time. Work a little bit in the lodge, go out fishing, read and write in the evening. Not a care in the world. That was the plan at least. And you know, when I think about it again, that doesn't sound too bad at all. Write philosophy at a cozy little lodge in the BC wilderness. Unfortunately, the type of acres you'd need to have a fishing lodge arn't cheap. And alas, the aspiritions of youth fell by the wayside.

And would you believe I havn't gone fishing in years? It is kind of sad really. But at the same time, fishing doesn't really appeal to me as much anymore. I just don't think I could achieve that same Zen anymore. It is one of those things I miss but that I cannot get back. Is it too early in life to be nostalgic? Because I am from time to time. There is so much you don't appreciate when you are a child, simply because it is the type of thing you can't appreciate until it is gone. And you know, there is so much I wish I'd have done differently. So many things that I wish I had known. But I can't complain really. I've had some bad times, but I have been so lucky in my life so far. And really, I appreciate the bad times. Nothing has helped me become who I am more than the trials I have gone through. If everything goes your way you don't appreciate what you have. So why do we always want everything to go our way? C'est la vie.